Don’t you find it very frustrating when your partner doesn’t express his/her love for you the way you want? You want to hear the words “I love you” yet s/he doesn’t say it at the end of every conversation. I feel for you! My boyfriend is like this too. Sigh.
Have there also been moments where you bought a nice gift for your partner, only to be asked why you bought it without being thankful. Is it because s/he doesn’t love me anymore?
Wait a minute! It could just well be that your partner does not know how you need or want to be loved. Just like the fact that there are many languages and that we only understand those which we speak, it is the same when it comes to love. There are 5 love languages and we respond differently to the different ways love is shown.
Let’s dive in and discover your love language(s) and your partner’s. Yes, it is possible to feel loved in more than one languages.
1) Words of affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, compliments and encouragement mean the world to you. Hearing “You are beautiful”, “You make my day”, “I am proud of you” makes you smile.
- Use positive words and encouragement to build your partner up
- Praise him/her in front of family, friends and colleagues
- Compliment verbally, write a note for your partner and surprise him/her
2) Acts of service
If this is your primary language, you feel loved when your partner is helping you with actions such as cleaning your room, cooking a meal or running errands.
You do not need to hear compliments often. Simple acts of service mean a lot to you and what you want to hear most is “Let me do this for you.”
- Offer to help
- Offer to take over some tasks that s/he is doing halfway
3) Physical touch
Physical touch is not limited to the bedroom. You may not be a very touchy person, but you feel loved when your partner holds your hand, give a hug when you are sad and places his/her hands on your shoulder to cheer you up. Such thoughtful touches express care, concern, happiness and love.
- Prioritize to be with your partner in person
- Make sure to embrace him/her especially when your partner is feeling down
4) Receiving gifts
This is not materialism. If this is your primary language, you love receiving thoughtful gifts. The gift doesn’t have to big or expensive.Through receiving gifts, you feel remembered, cared for and loved. You look at the effort and thought behind the gift.
- Remember to get a gift on random days and on important dates
- Prepare thoughtful gifts and show that you are thinking of him/her always
5) Quality time
This mean having undivided attention, spending time together only with the two of you.
If this is your primary language, one-on-one time and uninterrupted conversations are important to you. You love engaging in activities just among the both of you – eating, watching a movie, hiking etc.
- Plan for date nights, take walks and do small things with your partner
- Make sure you pay full attention to him/her when you are with your partner
- Minimize distractions (e.g. phone notifications)
My primary love language is words of affirmation. What is yours and your partner’s?